Any Input on this post always welcome.
I have always been one of those people that never really thought about "running out of life time" I have never been a hurry up get it done sort of person, cause I think I will always have the time to get to it.
Approaching official senior days of 65 years this fall-and life events with my Mom, and seeing my husband age fast before my eyes-gives me a new worrisome viewpoint now.
Hubby has always been ill, but that has never stopped him-ever from pursing his life's goals and what he wants to do-til recently where I am just seeing that now-he tires very easily with any physical activity and has totally withdrawn into his work, and does nothing anymore to help me get our home completed or to have fun-like more fishing etc.
He had to go back to work in a field he learned in his 20s-he enjoys the work-and talking and meeting with people-but it consumes all of his time now--from the time he gets up and grabs his first cup of coffee til after supper when he crashes. and do to his military service in the viet nam war he doesn't sleep well so his day usually starts around 2 or 3am.
We have so many things we wanted to do here during our retirement years-but do to the economy-it hit us very badly-it seems we are mostly surving like when one works for a living. I feel cheated of our "golden years" Hubby's viewpoint was always that it would be nice if we could really enjoy golden years before the age of 30 or 35 and then go to work after that for those senior years. by the time most retire-too old to do fun things.
So then I say-ok enough self pity-let's list the positives-mostly that we live where we want to be-in the woods with nature and away from city or suburban living-I really don't think I could ever handle that again. and I enjoy all my crafts, and learning new ones. But this weekend was the first ever that I can remember that I felt so lonely-freaking out about if the time should come when I am totally alone. We have very few friends to speak of here-but one awesome friend Mr L, and no family really-now this is getting depressing just typing this lol and I am not an out going person-I don't like the "politics" I guess of getting along with others in say craft groups etc. always people games going on.
Right now I just want things done in my home-- kitchen cabinets, my bathroom finished, the rest of the walls and floors finished in the house--and to start going through things and seriously destashing. but then we love our things-which brings up another thing-right now no one to leave our life estate to-things happened and now we need to change all that. geez sorry this is getting bad-sometimes I work through things by typing away and reading feedback.
Our friend Mr L is not healthy I think he has cancer, but is ignoring the fact-and he used to build lots of furniture-so he has offered to help me get kitchen cabinets built-Larry has all the tools and we have been collecting beautiful wood too (hickory, walnut, cherry, oak)--so I have been out this morning-sweeping and cleaning up out in the work shop-
Soon, I will be tackling the ceiling in the bathroom-that needs to get done before I can finish the walls. every year I say I want to this done. I made an awesome rocked shower that I want to use-lol I think I am going to have to learn how to lay tile on the floors in that room too-
and then-ya know in the end-all my completed house wants are just material objects and does it really matter?
I am also so concerned about ending up like my Mom in later years-so sad-I try to eat healthy and have added coconut oil capsules every day-etc-but when something in inherited not much one can do about it.
so such is life I know-take a deep breath and just breath this is what happens when one thinks too much-back to crafting lol
thanks Brenda I do feel a little better after writing this, just need to decide what makes us most happy-celebrating over 30 years of marriage soon-think it's 33-but who is counting lol
The rust iris is no longer at it's peak-but I just love the color
Not sure if this is a perennial that I had planted or if its a wildflower-we lost so much in this flower bed 7 years ago when we had very bad weather in back to back seasons and we found out that the deer love to eat lilies lol I had some fabulous lilies too
After 10 years my grandma's peonies finally decided to bloom-and on mothers day-so was special for me.
and behind the pampas grass found this pretty lily which should be planted by one of the ponds